Throughout the career of an architecture student, there are
many qualities that one should try to maintain to help benefit them throughout
school. Two of the most important qualities in my opinion are dedication and motivation. Dictionary.com
states that dedication [or the
singular form dedicate] is “to devote
wholly and earnestly, as to some person or purpose.” Dictionary.com also states
that motivation [or the singular form motive] is “something that causes a
person to act in a certain way, do a certain thing, etc.; incentive.” Both of
these very important qualities that I try to strive for have been dwindling
over the past year or so.
When I joined the architecture program back in the fall of
2010 I quickly started to realize how much work that it was going to take and
how much time I would have to dedicate to it to complete the tasks at hand and
to the quality that I expected of myself. I am quite the perfectionist in my
own way and I strive to meet that expectation and excel past it with each
project I worked on during my first couple of years. This dedication brought
both good and bad things for my lifestyle and I had to learn to adapt to these
changes and accept the consequences that they may bring. As I continued my
career through architecture school, my motivation and dedication started to
change as the years went on. I started to notice myself not wanting to work as
much and finding myself wanting to do other things instead of work on what I
believed [and still do] to be my passion in life.
Fall semester of senior year is what I believed to be the
beginning of when my dedication to my school work started to fall off. As my
schoolwork may have started to dwindle with quality and dedication, the
creation of my portfolio for graduate school took full force and even that I
struggled with. Things changed though once the fall semester had ended and the
portfolio/application process for graduate school was finally over. The
dedication for my studio project returned in the spring semester and I once
again began to create the quality of work that I expected of myself.
Unfortunately, as much as I wanted this to be sustained over
the course of my graduate career, things once again took a turn. The first
summer of graduate school I battled with myself to create and develop a project
that I was proud of and that could sustain my dedication over the 8 week
course. At the end of the semester I found myself rethinking my decision to go
into graduate school right after finishing my undergraduate career.
Even today in the second semester of my graduate career I
find myself contemplating if graduate school was really the right decision for
myself. As much as I have a passion for architecture and the work that goes
into it, I can’t help to constantly have a thought in the back of my mind
saying “Are you really happy right now with what you are doing every day?” I
hate this feeling. I hate going into studio each day and having to force myself
to work on something when I don’t have a desire to do it. I find myself sitting
in there, struggling to work and keep my mind focused on what needs to be done
for the classes I am partaking in and eventually decide to just go back to my
apartment and put it off to the next day. Most of the time though, putting it
off to the next day turns into the next, next day or next week and it just
makes things more stressful for myself and for anyone else affected by my lack
of motivation and dedication. This is also the first year of architecture
school that I am currently working. The work I do is for a professor on campus
and his work has helped to keep me motivated and help keep the ‘flame of
passion’ so-to-speak for architecture alive but even this I have struggled with
and its becoming more and more of an issue each week that passes by.
People have told me that “You’re just burnt out,” and “Don’t
worry, it will get better in time,” and I tell them I hope that they are right
when in the back of my mind my reoccurring thoughts that I keep to myself are
the complete opposite. I hope that I am just burnt out and that my dedication
and motivation will return soon and preferably before I start my thesis project
in the spring. Whatever it is, I need it to change, and I need it to change
fast. If this keeps up, I’m worried to see what the next semester may bring or
more importantly may not bring if I can’t retain what I know I am capable of
when I have those two important qualities again in my architectural studies – dedication & motivation.
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